Saturday, February 14, 2009

Life in the City

Another day, another measly rotten stinking dollar!

I like to sleep with the television on. That way if I wake up during the night and can’t get back to sleep, I don’t have to do too much painful soul searching. I can always watch television.

Not that I have television dreams. I don’t dream that I am living in an I Love Lucy sitcom. After I am asleep my dreams are my own, but I am particular which programs are appropriate for sleeping. Most any broadcast TV as long as it isn’t wrestling, or sporting events, quiz shows, or infomercials. Cartoons are objectionable, too, for obvious reasons.

My friend Albert also sleeps with the TV on, and I have actually seen him wake from a sound sleep to change the channel and then go back to sleep. To me the television provides sound conditioning. It drowns out outside noises that might otherwise wake me up and covers up the sounds coming from within.

People who may be awake when I have gone to sleep want to turn the TV down so it won’t disturb me. They also want to talk in whispers and not make noise. They have already learned to not turn the TV off because I will wake instantly and want the television back on. They like to turn the lights down, too, but they are on shaky ground. I have night blindness. If I wake up with the lights out and the TV off, I will panic. I won’t know where I am, only a sense of foreboding and danger.

Philosophically, sleeping with the TV on reassures me that I am not homeless or in jail, two circumstances where sleeping with the TV on is impossible. Having experienced both, I made a pact with myself despite the power shortages or running out of oil, whenever it is possible I will sleep with the TV on. When we were moving and had no access to radio or television, the silence got so deafening I had to call up my friend Art to come and talk to me because I couldn’t sleep. So it goes for life in the big city.

Sitting around home I have quite a lot of time on my hands so I am always on the lookout for new ways to make extra money. I have always been fascinated by the ads in the classified section that read, “Make extra money at home in your spare time stuffing envelopes.” Boy this is great, I would think to myself. This must be some kind of mail order corporation that sends you stuff to mail. There was no investment necessary, only the obligatory $5 for the information. So finally I sent in.

I got a very nice letter and a small pamphlet in return. The letter cordially thanked me for my interest and the pamphlet gave instructions how to place small ads in the classified section saying, “Make extra money at home in your spare time stuffing envelopes.” When they send you the $5, stuff an envelope with your pamphlet, mail it back to them post haste and renew your classified ad.

I had to admit that really hit the nail on the head!

2 Comments:

Blogger Art Rosch said...

"Earn 5,000 a week from your computer, no inventory required,
send for free CD."

http://blogofascination.blogspot.com/search/label/bankruptcy

Got to admit the stuffing envelopes scam is brilliant.

5:06 PM  
Blogger Barry Alfonso said...

Check out Dicey and Paprika's YouTube videos for true strangeness and relief from insomnia.

12:33 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home